Archived Posts

11:45pm November 18th, 2008

Holy ever-lovin' monkeysex! I nearly spoo'd when I watched this at the end of the quest line. And then again when I watched it a second time cause I couldn't get enough. Hell, I still get goosebumps watching it now. So I went on a mission to find the copy that had to be stored locally, crack the stupid FourCC DXGM tag that Bleezzird put into it so I could view it, then edit it to fit here for all to see in its glory! So, Woozle, this is for you! Get it while it's hot, cause I have a feeling posting it will incur Wrath. ;-)

- Paul "GOOOOOO!! That's some heavy shit!"

]]> Holy ever-lovin' monkeysex! I nearly spoo'd when I watched this at the end of the quest line. And then again when I watched it a second time cause I couldn't get enough. Hell, I still get goosebumps watching it now. So I went on a mission to find the copy that had to be stored locally, crack the stupid FourCC DXGM tag that Bleezzird put into it so I could view it, then edit it to fit here for all to see in its glory! So, Woozle, this is for you! Get it while it's hot, cause I have a feeling posting it will incur Wrath. ;-)

- Paul "GOOOOOO!! That's some heavy shit!"

12:30pm January 21st, 2008

New year, same monkey, cause ain't nothin' ever changes, bitches!

-Paul

4:00am December 6th, 2007

Here's an update for ya, Smallzo... ya homo!

To the rest of you, Happy Yule, bitches!

- Paul

7:30pm July 5th, 2006

Um... yeah.... well, someone listened to my last post signing thing. I gots a job. That job I had to call about in fact. I'm an "IT Systems Administrator" now

Now on to the important part. The special message for all our good friends, the SPAMMERS!! And here it is:

"If I get one more farkin' shitass piece of spammail from you bastards at my personal hidden domain address here, I swear to almighty Alah, God, Yaweh, Vishnu, and even that pansy-ass pacifist Buhda, that I will personally hunt you down, use a very sharp needle to tattoo the contents of your spam message into the underside of your arse, use said same needle and fluorescent inks to tatto large phalices upon your face, drag you into a forest, tie you up, smother you in honey, and release the rabid badgers to gnaw at your private bits. In order to prevent such an even from happening, please cease and desist all unsolicited email communications to any address on my domain. Thank you, and have a nice day!"

This has been a message from your friendly Completely Crap Clean E-mail Association.

- Paul, The Holy Scourge of Spammers

4:35pm June 21st, 2006

Hooorah! So yeah, anywho, the drive back to SLC was a good bit prettier and a bit more impressive. Oh, why'd I drive back to SLC you ask? My sister got married, that's why! Holy carp!! Ok, now I've got a brother-in-law. Now THAT makes me feel even older than all my friends getting married and having kids and crap. Now I'm in it too, not just on the sideline. Fark. Ah well, I guess we all gotta grow up and all that crap. But the realization that life isn't sitting still is always like a slap in the face.

On to other matters. It's warm here. But I've got AC now, so I don't mind so much. It's sunny here. I have sunglasses, but still, it's that horrid hazy sunny that comes from all directions. Like a good little computer troll, I try to stay inside and burn my eyes on the screen rather than outside in that horrid fiery natural yellow light of pain. I have yet to get a job. WOOOO! Here's hoping something comes up soon, cause otherwise I'ma be starving pretty fast, heh. And yes, one would think with all this free time I'd update the site more often, but seriously, don't you people know me by now? Yeah, so that's about it. LA is... well... LA. It's kinda like a ginormous, sprawling cityburbthing... if that makes any sense. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to make a phone call about a jobby thing. Wish me luck!

- Paul "Give me a freakin' job before I go hungry!"

1:05am June 7th, 2006

Well, I done did made it to L.A. For anyone that might actually give a crap, here's the continuation of the trip in detail. Day three was lots of farmland and nothing. Day four was lots of farmland and nothing then lots of uphill farmland and nothing, then there was lots of downhill desolation and pretty and all that. Day five was much like day four, but with a good bit of desert and desolation thrown into the mix as well. In the end, the journey was completed, and the view along the way was quite nice. Oddly, it didn't seem to really capture me at all, nor has the fact that I moved three thousand miles away from friends family and everything I've known most of my life. I guess in this day and age of information bombardment, seeing all that awesome majesty and beauty first hand really isn't all that impressive when you've already seen it in HD while sitting in your living room. Damn the information age for deadening my sense of wonder, fear, and awe! Anywho, it's nice to have my workspace mostly set up again, and my PC back online. Just gotta work out this flaky wireless thing so's I don't have to fight for bandwidth or something. Ah well, guess I should get some shut eye now and spend another day searching for employment.

- Paul, Pondering Why Life Seems So Unimpressive.

4:30pm May 31st, 2006

GONE WEST!!! Day One of the Great Western Migration: More packing, cause I'm a slacker and didn't get it done the day before like planned. Then there was breakfast with the young womens from FBA who mandated I meet them before I left since I'd so far proved immune to their demands I not move to LA. Then there was the 10-15 minutes of goodbyes, cause women never can just make it quick and easy. Then there was the having to shoehorn the pretty little princess off me, cause she's got a problem not getting her way. *I'm gonna get my ass kicked for that if she ever reads this site, but then again... I wouldn't be me if that stopped me from saying it.* So about 5.5 hours after my projected leave time... Day One of the Great Western Migration actually begins. Mass and NY are both boring and hilly as always. Pennsylvania, what I saw of it, was dark and rather boondocksy . And WTF!!?? is an Ashtabula??? Seriously now? Who in the CRAP names a town Ashtabula?! When I finally got tired of driving (somewhere a bit east of Clehvy-land), I passed out in my car... then I woke back up, pulled over in a rest area, and went back to sleep again. Which would have been all good if I hadn't stuffed it so full that the seat didn't go back, so I slept stretched across the front seat. Not the most comfortable way to sleep, given I drive a compact car... but free! Day Two I drove the rest of the way to MI where I'm now posting while spending the night at my father's. Here's hoping for food and sleep tonight, since tomorrow we start the long part of the trip..... oh yay fun! More to come from my next stop!

- Paul

5:00am March 25th, 2006

A couple tidbits of revalation from your favorite random crap guy:

1: Cadbury MiniEggs, if left to their own devices in an open bag, will hatch. What I mean by that is if you leave them sitting on your bureau in a bag that's open, the hard candy outside dries out and cracks down the sides. On a normal candy this wouldn't ellicit a revalation, but given they are mini "eggs" and they are cracking open when left to sit in a warm dry room, it amuses me greatly that they are therefore hatching. You don't have to laugh at this, cause maybe you don't find it as oddly ironic as I do. But if you are thinking that there's something wrong with me for this... well SCREW YOU FOR JUDGING MEH!!

2: The process of using a urinal, complete with those spiffy blue urinal cakes, is a way of confirming that both I and the world at large are working as intended. For starters, the very act of peeing indicates that my plumbing is working properly. Second, that wonderful little show of blue and yellow makes green again indicates that I am working as intended, but also that the color wheel, and thereby light and other aspects of the natural world, is working up to par as well. Lastly, that the urinal does not overflow when excess liquid is added to it and soak my shoes is an indication that gravity too is functioning properly... well that or that this place at least has decent plumbing in the bathrooms.

And that, my friends, is today's dose of Things That Paul Actually Thinks. Gives you a little insight into just how strange are the inner cognitive workings of a SUPER FREAKIN' GENIUS!!

- Vote "Paul for Super Freakin' Genius Overlord of All Mankind" in 2016 (That gives you plebian scum ten more years to get your shit together, so get on it.)

6:05pm January 5th, 2006

New year, new monkey. Or so they would have you believe!! LIES!! ALL LIES!!

Right, so yeah... I really don't have much to add to that, but I figured I ought to update this pig since the holidays are over, and unlike a real christmas tree, I am taking down my virtual ones before they turn all brown and drop needles all over the damn place. Why do we bring dying trees into our homes anyway!? Does someone actually enjoy vaccuming up all the dropped needles from dragging the thing in and out of the house? And for god sake, I live on the third floor of this building, WTF was my roomate thinking bringing a tree all the way up here if we've just got to take the thing back down after it dries out and gets nasty and crumbly and bah!!! HUMBUG!! Um... yeah, enough of that. Those wonderfully depressing "holidays" are over now and I can return to hating life and people on a normal every day basis! YAY! But just so we all remember why the holidays suck, I bring you HUMOR!! (in sticky form). Behold!

- Paul "The Evil Anti-Christmas Schmelf"

4:10pm December 20th, 2005

*cough cough* Oops. I kinda goofed when adding my festive decorations above. I keep forgetting that not everyone is priveleged like myself to have all their screens be wide. So I moved some things around to maybe keep those non-widescreeners from having a goofy layout when they load the site. Not my fault they're lame and can't get themselves a REAL monitor, but I suppose tis' the season to appease the masses, right? Consider it my holiday gift to you plebs with short screens.

- Paul

8:00am December 16th, 2005

First off, let me just say, BLOODY FRIGGIN BLASTED MONKEY TARDIN' POOP THROWIN RECHARGEABLE BATTERIES IN WIRELESS MICE!!!!! Damn thing always runs out of batteries right when I need it to just shuddup and cooperate. And then it gets all insitent about it too, with its blink blink blink blink blink blink blink red light feed me electricity I'm so greedy blink blink blink blink CRAP!! Ok then, now that we've got that out in the open...

So the Holidays are quickly coming upon us, and I'm once again getting this bizarre burst of energy at 7am after having been up all night, per my usual habbit. So today I decided to apply said energy in a festive and entertaining manner and behold!, a new crappy holiday doodle for my amusement. I'd say your amusement, but I doubt anyone is even bothering to check the site anymore, cause I haven't updated it since May. Slackitude ftw!! Welp, perhaps this New Years I'll resolve to actually work on my site, as well as all the other various projects I have lying around that I never seem to get to. So, for all ya'll that I tell to check my site (since I'm going to flaunt it that I've actually updated), this here is my holiday greeting card to you.

MERRY FREAKIN' RAMA-HANU-KWANZ-MAS!!!

- Paul, The Ultimate Slacker

8:00pm May 10th, 2005

So Billy wants him a website update. So Billy gets him a website update. Now let's talk about how Billy is a biznatch and never logs into AIM anymore cause he's too busy shaggin' the boss's daughter, and running up the credit card bill buying stuff he don't need and randomly flying to the east coast for a weekend here and there. Or maybe we should talk about how he's got the crazy notion in his head to leave his roomate high and dry (albeit his roomate is a slacker tard anyway), in order to move in with the boss's daughter, whom he's only been dating at most a couple months now. I really need to move to Cali, cause someone has to keep this kid in check, don't you all think?!

- I'm Your God Now, BITCH! Paul

10:30pm April 6th, 2005

Right, anywho.... So, I never did post that first strip. Yup, cause once again I've slacked off. I really do have strips made, but I kinda stalled on the whole inking them and posting them thing. So I'm considering that I'll be reformatting the site maybe. Or maybe just skipping the drawing part and going with the crappy, but quick and readily postable, MS Paint option. Ah well, we'll probably never see, cause I'm a total slacker like that.

- The Great and Migthty Paulzo

12:05am February 16th, 2005

Well, with that sappy emotional crap out of the way (though not out of mind by a long shot), here's a little something for the masses who came here for humor. Update: I have a scanner/printer/ubershinythingy! So now all that remains standing between me and comicy greatness is.. uh... well, me. Never fear, I am thinking up and making comics (the thinking up part mostly, with a smattering of the making), so one of these days there will actually be real comics on this site and not just the inane diatribe of some lazy arse that never follows through on plans. To prove it, I promise a first installment by week's end. Just need to set up said new shiny (which has been in the box since xmas - I know!! LAZY!) and scan that bad lary in. So until then, I'm going to go find something to distract my brain for a while, cause it still needs a lot of that at the moment. Here's monkey poop in yur eye!!

- The Paul

12:30am February 15th, 2005

Some things I've discovered in the past week:

- There is nothing more pathetic, nor more heart-rending, then the sound of a grown man, who long since forgot how to weep, doing just that.

- Women's logic is not like our earth logic.

- The human mind will not, *can* not, ever wholey reconcile the lost of a part of ourselves, whether it be a physical part (such as a limb or digit) or an emotional part (such as a spouse, sibling, parent, or other 'permanent' fixture of one's life).

- Nothing in this life is ever permanent. Nothing.

- There is no better proof that man has a soul than the sensation of heartbreak. Otherwise, I'm completely at a loss to explain it.

- A breaking heart is like dying inside. To all those who've loved and lost, I feel your pain. Here's to a better tomorrow. Salut!

Happy Valentine's Day everyone.