August 15, 2004
July 27th - August 15th, 2004
7:34am August 15th, 2004
Some questions for you:
If it is called Arizona Mandarin Orange Green Tea, is it supposed to be orange or green?! The stuff is most certainly orange, but then how can they call it "green" tea?! What the crap is going on here?! Ok, next question. If the contents are under pressure, why does the can say "shake well" (with the implied "before opening" echoing in my head)?! "Ugh. Tired. Need caffeine! Mmmm... this can of Starbucks Doubleshot is gonna go down good. What's this? "Shake well." Done and done. Now to enjoy th*PSSSHHHHHTT!!!* WHAT THE CRAP?!?! FUXXOR!"
Ok, I know. I haven't put up any strips yet. I've been a bit busy with work and all sorts of various other crap. It's a lame excuse, I know, but I promise I'm working on some right now. Really, I am. Well... I will be once I clean the Doubleshot off my face and hands. In any case, at least I'm posting, which I haven't done in about two weeks now. I have the site mostly done and once I can get into a proper work habit, things should pick up around here. Anywho, I'm going to get back to slacki... I mean working hard at getting some material together for your viewing pleasure. Until then, I leave you with words of wisdom: "Despite what the words on it tell you, DON'T SHAKE THE FUCKING CAN!"
-Paul
11:42am July 29th, 2004
So I'm in a craft store yesterday while hanging with the girlfriend and she's looking at cake decorating stuff while I twiddle my thumbs crouched a few feet away. I find myself looking at pans for stand up cakes, 3-D tasty creations. The most prevalent style was teddy bears, seemingly for use as children's birthday cakes. At this point I was mesmerized by the scarring possibilities of these creation upon a child's innocent little mind. Seriously now, who the hell serves their child Pooh Bear for their birthday!?! "Here little Jimmy, you ate your green beans, so now you can have a tasty slice of POOH BEAR'S HEAD!!!" What child wouldn't be scarred for life by seeing their parent lop the head off a cute cuddly teady bear and proceed to eat the oh-so-tasty, chocolaty brains right out of it. I was left staring at these boxes wondering to myself "Who on earth would eat one of these things anyway?!" And that's when I saw the answer, right there in front of me, pasted onto the box.
I pulled this image from their website (www.wilton.com), and editted the words accordingly (I've no use for the decorating instructions). But the longer I looked at this poor little victim of barbaric birthday doom, the more I realized that he *wants* to be eaten. In fact, he's so caught up in how tasty he is that he can't resist sneaking a little nibble himself! Look at the poor little bastard! "Oh, mmmf... my paw is so taaaaasty. Sweet... *drool*... mmff.... tasty frosty. Some little kid is going to be so.. *snarfle* *drool*... lucky to.. mff... eat me!" Look at him! I can just see his dead little eyes looking straight ahead like nothing out of the ordinary is going on, while his snuffling nose twitches off to the side and he slowly, calmly places his tasty little paw right into his mouth.
At that point they asked me to leave the store cause I was laughing hysterically, and my girlfriend had to finish shopping on her own. Seriously, though, is that not the damned funniest thing you've ever seen?!? Funny in a disturbing way, yes, but still damn funny!
-Paul
3:21am July 28th, 2004
Well I spent the evening slacking off some more, but I did do a couple little things before crashing for the night. I visited the aforementioned websites and found that three of the four had pre-designed link buttons, all of which are roughly the same size, making them look good. I therefore replaced my hardwork (I actually worked at creating those previous images for use as links) in favor of links that someone obviously spent more time and effort on then I was willing. For the fourth I didn't find any pre-made link images, but I rather like my work to use his animated icon as a link, and I think that is what the thing was intended for anyway. So with that done, I expect not to get any poo, attorneys, or attorney poo thrown at me. I also added that legal mumbo-jumbo at the bottom of the page, so that no one can steal my amazing ideas and work without legal repurcussions, or my throwing poo at them. That's it... That's all I did tonight... There is no new strip to post, because I haven't written it yet. As I said before, I'm working out the technical details first, the I'll get into the "minor details" or content. And now I shall sleep, because I'm going to be woken early to hang out and have fun with my girlfriend, despite the fact that she knows I hate getting up in the morning and can't go to sleep early. Ah well, sleep beckons, and I might as well get what I can now.
- Paul
P.S. - I finally figured out how to vertically align that damn link column to the top so it doesn't keep shifting downward as I make more comments here. Yay progress.
2:25am July 27th, 2004
And thus, Completely Crap Comics was born. In the middle of the night, while shirking responsibilities, I gave life to complete crap. Good lord! Just imagine what would have happened had I applied my immense talents to something worthwhile. Suffice to say, the world might be in great peril. But never fear!! We are all safe. With the creation of a festering pile of monkey poo, the world is safe to live yet another day in blissful ignorance of just how close they came to utter, stinky doom and destruction!
Don't mind the crapiness of the place, it's intended... honestly... it is, I swear! Look at the title of the damn thing if you don't believe me! Anywho, the first comic is up. Or rather the placeholder strip I have created while I get the "minor details" of site design and construction out of the way. Once I've completed contruction to some semblance of not-so-crapiness, I'll start producing top rate material for your reading pleasure. And by "top rate" I mean the artwork will continue to be crap, but the humor should make up for it. If it doesn't... well, it's not my fault you have no sense of humor! In the meantime please feel free to visit some of the sites I have linked, as these are the web-comics I read regularly and find to be top rate... I mean really top rate, not my version of "top rate". All of them have plenty of archived material to read through if you have a good chunk of time to waste (I know, since I've read their back material while wasting my own time), and if you're lucky, by the time you finish all of that, I may just have posted something here worth wasting your time. Hopefully none of them will throw poo, or attorneys (what's the difference really?!), at me for using their logos as links to their wonderful sites. I should remember to email and ask their permission at some point, but until then, I'm counting on the fact that no one is even going to read this site anyway! Well, it's off to make up some more crap (i.e. write a paper or something) and then to embrace sweet sleep!
- Paul
Posted by paul at 06:19 PM